You don't need a therapist to heal.

Let me expand on that. You don't need a therapist to heal or change, but they sure do help. And in some cases therapy will absolutely be recommended and necessary. What I am meaning to say here is, there are actions you can take to start uncovering the source of certain struggles, discomfort or pain without this assistance. Once uncovered you can begin the work of letting it go. Yes. This is scary but it is worth every uncomfortable moment and every bit of sweat and tears. I have found ways that help me through this process and I'd like to share what I have found when it comes to self exploration.

Now, you may be asking how this is fitness related and why is a personal trainer and yoga instructor giving advice about therapy and self exploration? Because most of the reasons why we fail at stick to health and wellness goals, to change habits, or to find ways out of situations we don't enjoy, is because we aren't asking ourselves enough questions. Why is it that when shit gets scary we go back to what feels cozy and comfortable, to what is easy? It was when easy no longer worked for me, that I started asking myself real questions. 

Before I dive in, make sure you know that this process is 100% normal. It is required work for every human that wishes to finally start living life the way they were intended, feeling happy and inspired simply by living out their life. Happiness is the reward of self exploration. This process isn't light or easy so start here with a serious self love practice and then build into asking questions. Self love is the pace car of self exploration.

Don't jump in head first. Pick one question and focus on it for a few weeks. More than likely it will uncover some shit and you will have to regroup with self love.  Attempt this in tiny digestible pieces and take breaks when you need.

Last but not least, if you come across uncomfortable things don't panic, take some deep breaths and return to love. You are doing this work to set yourself free, but you have to take the steps through the uncomfortable and downright slippery terrain. If you hit something that you cannot get through on your own, find a therapist that you feel comfortable with and be open to exploring with a professional. You wouldn't wander in to the jungle without a guide would you? My mind can feel like a jungle sometimes so I consult a therapist when I hit something that feels bigger than simply journaling or best-friend-talk. 

Some questions to start the process:

• How does my physical body feel? 
• How happy am I?
• How well can I focus on something?
• Why am I doing this? What is the motive?
• What's my purpose?
• Is my food giving me energy?
• Am I able to handle my stress?
• In what ways do I handle my stress?
• Am I socializing?
• How does my social circle make me feel? Inspired? Drained?
• How does social media make me feel?
• What is draining my energy?
• What gives me energy?
• What could I do all day?
• What fills me with joy? 
• How do I feel about my body? 
• How can I add more love to my life and relationships?
• What can I do differently?
• Am I adding value to my relationships?

For me, I like to pick a question and then either meditate for a moment or go for a walk with this question on my mind in a gentle, I'm gonna take my time kinda way. Not in a fearful or stressful kinda way. I remind myself that this is a process and one that has yet to let me down.

A lot of times I will get new questions from books or podcasts, sometimes from conversations with friends and mentors, however, the question that I usually jump to is "Am I acting from a place of love or a place of fear?" Oh, man... when I first noticed how much I let fear run my life it was a scary moment, like a panic attack turned depression moment that lasted days. I felt like I had wasted so much time and squandered so many relationships because of fear. But I returned to love with some bubble baths and some reminders about why I was doing the work. Understanding that this work was coming from a place of love I was able to endure the discomfort. 

Start thinking and journaling about your question. Then take breaks from thinking about it and do other things that help you think clear, like exercising outside, art, dancing or watching something inspiring. Don't force it but don't avoid it. Find a happy place in between that allows you to uncover a little scary bit at a time. Again, if a giant can of worms is uncovered, take some deep breaths and consult a family member, trusting friend or therapist. This does not make you weak as this will actually allow yourself to let go of the source of your weakness, making you so much stronger!!

There must be a curiosity about why things aren't working. Troubles do not simply disappear. When they seem as if they have, there is a good chance they are just waiting under the surface, subconsciously affecting decisions and relationships . Sometimes you find things you never knew were there and it all starts to make sense. You gain an understanding for why you avoid group exercise, for why you eat too much at each meal, for why you place everyone's needs in front of yours. Understanding this why brings you to a place where change can happen. Start with some gentle loving questions and you will start to find the answers. These answers will allow those old habits to fall away and you will build new loving ones in their place and this will become you're new normal. 

Create Your Own Joy Resource List

A few years ago, if you asked me to create more joy in my life I would have immediately correlated this to going to more concerts and traveling more. While I did have a wonderful life and there were plenty of joy filled moments, this concept that I now shout from the rooftops of creating your own joy daily, may have seemed silly or even impossible. But like most things once you experience the benefits, when you see the results, it all starts to make sense. So now I shout this to anyone that will listen.

Science has shown that when you laugh you release endorphins which reduce your perception of pain and trigger positive, feel-good feelings. The simple act of making yourself laugh will make you feel better. While laughter is always the best medicine, creating joy is a very personal experience and can vary from day to day and from moment to moment. I have complied a list of ways that I create some joy and some resources and ideas to help you make this a regular part of your day. 

I do have one caveat... If you aren't doing well on your foundational habits of getting sleep, drinking plenty of water and adding some movement into your day, no amount of listening to your favorite song will cancel out extreme fatigue, so be sure to spend some time laying a solid foundation while you create your joy. 

How to use this list:

This list is a starting place. Ultimately, find some way to regularly add some joy to your day, despite your mood. Once this becomes a regular habit, it will not only help you stay grateful and happy it can help you become a more productive human. Hell yeah!! 

Also, if there is another area of your health and wellness that you are struggling with, such as sleep or exercise, how can you add more joy to the process? When these activities feel neglected or like a punishment, they will be harder to stick to. Add some joy and you won't have to push yourself so hard to make it happen, you will begin to be pulled towards them. Add some essential oils and a relaxing playlist to your bedtime routine or reward yourself when you have a week filled 7 hours nightly. Invite a friend to yoga and grab a bite after, add some awesomely uplifting music to your workout or again reward yourself for a killer week of exercise. 

Music: This is my go to joy creator. 

• Listen to your favorite song/album as you get ready for work or go for your morning walk. Thank you Spotify for all that you do for me :)

• Here is my Create Your Own Joy playlist on Spotify.

• Go catch an open mic night or your favorite local band. Wills Pub in Orlando is one of my favorite spots to find a wide variety of live music.

• Sing along with your music or create your own music!!

• Learn to play an instrument or find some peeps to jam with.

Media: Be careful, this can build you up or wear you down. 

• Follow fun and positive accounts on Social Media. Slowly let go of the ones that are Debbie-downers and that are full of people complaining. See ya later haters!!

• Watch a funny movie, show or stand up - Comedians in Cars Getting Coffee is a recent fave.

• Subscribe to a funny or inspiring YouTube Channels.

• Listen to a podcast: **There are hundreds of podcasts.

Movement: Also releases endorphins.

• Dance in your kitchen while you cook dinner :) #danceforyourdinner

• Go dancing with your friends.

• Walk your dog.

• Do a mini workout. Here is an oldy but a goodie of mine ----> CORE-dio

• Take a dance class with a friend.

• Try a new form of exercise.

• Go for a hike or to the beach.

• Do some cartwheels or handstands or simply stretch.

• Play catch or kick a soccer ball around.

Make Something: Being creative can help with feelings of depression. 

• Gratitude list.

• Cook a meal or learn to cook a new one.

• Get crafty, just for fun. Extra points if you get your hands dirty.

• Plant some plants. Again with the dirty hands.

• Start a blog.

• Take an art class.

• Make hand made gifts.

• Make someone smile by smiling at them or telling a joke.

• Make someone happy by helping them and being patient.

More: 

• Books!!

• Spend time with friends and family.

• Get out of your comfort zone - try something new, get a tattoo (spend some time thinking about this one), plan a trip to somewhere new, go somewhere you've never been, set a 30 day challenge for yourself.

• Spend time outdoors.

Create a life you don't want to avoid or run from. Add more joy and see what happens. A little goes a long way. 

 

I MINT to eat more GREENS

Ever since I became a personal trainer, I have considered myself a healthy eater. Even in times of falling of the healthy eating wagon, I've always been able to come back to eating a diet filled with fresh fruits and veggies, lean proteins and lots of water. At the beginning of this year I started limiting sugar, dairy and gluten, witnessing how less of that in my diet made me feel. FYI, it made me feel great. 

Recently I began taking a closer look at the amount of green things in my diet. I heard a man named David Wolfe explain the value of green veggies in a way that I'd never heard before. He explained that on a molecular level green things have more electrons in them, resulting in more energy as these electrons produce actual electricity. This explains why they make you feel so good. This also explains why Popeye was able to provide a a knockout punch to Bluto after consuming a can of spinach. "Oooh, wheres me spinach?" 

He also finally explained alkalinity in a way that made sense to me. Our bodies perform best in a slightly alkaline state, as opposed to an acidic state. When you eat the typical Standard American Diet, (which I love that it's referred to as SAD) filled with sugar, gluten, processed foods, coffee, dairy, meat, soda, artificial sweeteners, and so on, you are filling your body with foods that make your body acidic. A diet of this nature results in a constant lethargy, even after a full nights sleep (how I feel always), and can make fighting naughty cravings really tough. 

It was after this that I began looking at each meal and analyzing the amount of greens that I was regularly eating. I was getting them in at dinner, and most of the time at lunch, but I was not getting nearly enough to cancel out the coffee, meat, limited gluten and processed foods, and my ice cream every weekend that I was consuming regularly.  So I began to challenge myself to eat more! 

I MINT TO EAT MORE GREENS: 4 easy ways to add more greens!!

1. Add something green to every meal: 
   • Breakfast - Smoothies, Juices, Veggie Scramble (Eggs/Tofu), Spinach on a Breakfast sandwich. 
   • Lunch - Salads, Veggie Rice Bowls, Lettuce (Collard Green) Wraps, Side Salads or Broccoli instead of other sides. 
   • Dinner - Roasted Veggies (Asparagus, Brussels, Broccoli), Zucchini Noodles aka Zoodles, Adding spinach or frozen peas to any dish . 
2. Move green produce to the top shelf of your fridge. - Out of sight out of mind. 
3. Sub raw veggies for chips and crackers. - Cucumbers, Celery, Bell Peppers.
4. Make a big batch of green veggies for your week. - This is the one Im digging right now. 

Get creative, try new recipes (25 Simple Green Side Dishes), notice how they make you feel. I have found that the greens have slowly overtaken some of the other junk that tended to sneak into my diet and I have also witnessed a small, but noticeable, energy difference in the mornings. For this reason, I am sold. It's so easy being green :) 

How to keep cool while being poked by idiots.

We've all been there and totally lost our shit in public. If you're like me it may have been because of something really silly and unnecessary. Or maybe it's because you feel like you're surrounded by idiots or clueless/selfish people. Or maybe it's because you know that a certain situation could be done with much more organization or efficiency (this was a big one for me). So frustrating watching knuckleheads!!

Because the very meaning of public means you're probably surrounded by people or somewhere in which stomping to your room and avoiding everyone isn't possible, below are some things to help you keep your cool when being poked by idiots.

First, let's discuss meditation. While it would be a great tool to use in the moment, as it allows you to turn off some of the loud yelling thoughts and anchor your thoughts, the big calming benefits of meditation actually come from practicing on the regular. When you practice for a few moments each day you are strengthening your keep cool muscles. So a regular meditation practice will allow for these annoyances to slowly fade as they simply won't fire you up in the same way. 

In the moment...

Now, let's say that you have been practicing your meditation and yet you still lose your cool while in traffic, when an old man curses at you through your window for a very silly reason. This actually happened to me not too long ago and I for sure lost my shit. I yelled a lot, he yelled a lot. We made a scene. Don't worry, I killed him with kindness, asking him "what would you advise the women in your family to do if they ever encountered a gentlemen such as yourself?" Maybe I killed him with smart-ass-ness. 

I laugh at this now but by me responding to his rudeness and idiocy I made things worse and added hate and ugliness to the situation. And while I don't like to live in fear, road rage is a real thing and I had no way of knowing what my comments were going to unveil. So instead I could have done the following:

• Roll up my window and ignore the ignorant behavior. By ignoring and walking away you allow yourself a breath before you get too fired up. If you can't walk away you can at least excuse yourself and go into the hall or a bathroom stall to gather yourself for a few breaths.
• After rolling up my window I could have done a meditation in which you simply focus on the sensations in your hands. I like this meditation while in a pickle because for me it is easier to notice the sensations in my hands than my breath when I am fired up. Continue to come back to the sensations you feel in your hands only. You can keep your eyes open and do this anywhere, for as long as you can or need. 
• While waiting for the light to change (which seemed like it took forever), I could have repeated a mantra to cool me off. Something like: "Be kind. Everyone is fighting their own battles," or "Being kind is better than being right." If there seems to be something at the moment that really gets you riled, come up with a mantra (quote or saying) just for that particular encounter or experience. 
• Instead of jumping on the phone and telling anyone that would listen how rude this man was and how drama filled my morning was, I could have rattled off my gratitude list to bring my thoughts to things that make me feel good, instead of focusing on and replaying the crap. 
• Lastly, (and this is the one I finally ended up doing after all the other dramatics didn't help me feel better) the phrase "I wish you happiness and the root of all happiness" was repeated while thinking of this extra angry man that called me all sorts of disgusting names. This was not easy, never is. But it did get easier the more I said it. It also made me realize that the poor man probably lives an angry life and that a little more love sent his way was probably not a bad thing.

When we lose our cool and let our emotions explode in anger or frustration or tears, we hinder our ability to resolve any issues. No listening is being done. No progress is being made. Finding a go-to way to calm yourself down in a matter of moments is crucial. Essential oils, music, movement, a loving friend, a moment in the loo to yourself, anything that allows you to step away from the agitation and calm down a bit, will allow the cool, calm and collected version of yourself to show up, the version of yourself that can work through agitation and apply the lessons to personal growth. 

From a Hot Mess to a Beautiful one.

Hot mess was a term that was used in reference to my life more than once and more than once by myself, about myself. For years I felt that there would always be at least one area in my life that would be a mess or at least look like a mess from the outside (which equals stress in my world). And even if I managed to get all my ducks in a row for a moment, they quickly began to waddle off and make some sort of mess, a big ducking mess. 

While things are often still not where I'd like for them to be, the mess is no longer unmanageable, its expected. I can spot the messiness creeping in and do something to change that, things move slower and are more predictable, like now I have turtles in a row. I now know that by acknowledging the mess and the uncomfortable that I am slowly cleaning it up and that maybe one day it won't be a challenge to keep in order, it will be part of my routine, a healthy habit. 

My old habit of ignoring the mess, running from it, blaming someone or something for it, shoving it in the closet, under the bed, hiring someone to deal with it or stressing over what people will think about my messiness, is slowly being let go. By taking a good look at my mess and working to declutter and reorganize my daily life, I now see all of my mess as a beautiful work in progress. I now see this messiness as an opportunity for growth and change, which to me makes my mess beautiful. 

If you could hear my thoughts.

I have spoken about how much my life has changed this year. I have let go of lots of things that no longer serve me and started inviting in love from every person, place or thing that is willing to send it my way. Most recently I am in the process of letting go of my tendency to focus on what's "wrong". This stems from a drive for perfection, a drive for perfection that I didn't even know was a thing until three weeks ago. But over these past three weeks I have seen this perfectionism road-block pop up EVERYWHERE!! 

When I first learned that there was an underlying strive for perfection in my actions, I resisted the idea. I am the person that aims to simply get things done, usually at the last minute and usually with regrets on waiting til the last minute. It was in this resistance that I remembered my yoga teacher telling me that perfectionism can actually cause paralysis. It can cause resistance, often showing as procrastination. Why get started or even try if it's not going to compare to the others? If it can't live up to my silly (self-imposed) expectations? This perfection paralysis was something I totally recognized, again EVERYWHERE!!!!!

This hidden drive for things to be perfect often caused me to focus on the things that were wrong in a situation. For three days after this revelation, I began to see it. I was focusing on what was wrong, what could go wrong, what I had done wrong in the past and where there was potential for more things to go wrong. On that third day I had a complete emotional breakdown. I had been witnessing these thoughts and doing my best to flip my inner self-talk-script but after 72 hours of this I was exhausted. I was tired of noticing the flaws, I was tired of that feeling of overwhelm and anxiety it brought me when it was in focus. Very similarly to the feeling I had when I decided to quit drinking, I decide to let go of this way of thinking. 

This is not an easy task. I am still constantly reverting my thoughts to the love that exists in the present moment. I am telling myself "Jennifer, return to love", over and over and over again. I am repeating mantras of hope and trust, morning, noon and night. I am reading books, listening to podcasts, interacting on social media and listening to songs that support this healthy mindset. I am talking with those that are open to deep emotional conversations (when these unicorns appear) and I am writing my thoughts and using my voice to continue to reinforce the thoughts and feelings that I want to be my new normal.

Reprogramming our thoughts is a long battle but it can totally be done. I know this because at one point (and for many years) I thought there would never be a day in which I would choose to never drink again. Has this happened to you? This experience has allowed me to see that our thoughts are programmed by our past, our community, our leaders, our friends, and our experiences. And just as they have been programmed, they can be reprogrammed. First step will always be to check in with those thoughts as you cannot change what you do not notice.

I tell you all of this so that you understand that creating change takes effort, but if you start with your self talk and pump yourself up instead of adding to the mess that drags you down, this effort lessens and you are able to tackle the next thing standing in your way. Its like peeling an onion. You will shed one bad belief, thought or habit and move on to the next thing that is holding you back until you are the healthiest version of you. 

You are worth the effort and discomfort that this process will likely bring. The trade off has been well worth it for me. The time (days, months, maybe years) spent struggling to think healthy thoughts is way better than unknowingly living from a place of fear, constantly self sabotaging my greatness. I am awake to my nonsense and moving towards creating more freedom, and it feels so good. Come with me. 

Actions are based on beliefs. What is it that you believe?

What are your beliefs when it comes to your health and wellness (mind, body and soul)? One of my current "gurus" is Jen Sincero . In her latest book she talks about "mastering the mindset of wealth". While there are many, many amazing tidbits in You Are A Badass at Making Money, the way she explained what drives our actions has changed my life. No joking. Life changing. 

We often try to work harder and willpower our way through changing our actions but as I've discussed before, we only have limit efforts and willpower is not an infinite resource. It is for this reason that it's crucial to have other tools in the habit change tool box for those times when our willpower has been depleted. And if you're able to explore this tool (concept) with an open mind it might be one you use the most. Jen explains that our beliefs about a certain habit will directly affect our actions.

1. Beliefs - We all have certain beliefs about things. Beliefs about money, our health, our bodies, what a relationship should look like, what a successful 35 year old female looks like, and so on. These beliefs are instilled throughout childhood and/or big moments in our lives. Difficult moments like being told we aren't cut out for something or when that relationship ended and we believed that we would never find someone better. Sometimes we let social media (and before that, Hollywood) trick us into believing that our bodies need to look a certain way in order to be truly happy. These beliefs run around in our minds controlling the show. 
2. Thoughts and Words - Because of this mindset we tell ourselves things that reinforce those beliefs. If the belief was from childhood we may have been telling ourselves that we weren't good enough for a very long time. We then start to say things that further drive home this belief. For example, when we say things like "I can't do that cause I'm broke as a joke", or "Are you kidding me? I'm way too lazy to ever accomplish that" or "I will never look like her in a bathing suit", we are not only further drilling that FALSE belief into our minds, we are literally cutting off any hope of getting to a place where we are financially flush, running that race, and feeling like Ashley Graham in our bath suits. 
3. Emotions - Imagine if someone followed you around and constantly told you those things? Eventually you would take the comments to heart and let them drag you down or you'd flick that person right in the forehead, three stooges style. Feelings of never being able to achieve something severely limits the actions you will or will not take. 
4. Actions - Why bother working out if you'll never lose weight? Why change your spending habits if you're too broke to save any money? Why look for a different job or relationship if you're not worthy? Those emotions will kill your motivation and sabotage the efforts you do muster. 

Beliefs ----> Thoughts/Words ----> Emotions ----> Actions

You don't have to know anything other than what you believe about yourself can have serious affects on your success and happiness and you can absolutely change your beliefs. Simply start to peel the onion on the actions you are looking to change. Notice your words. Witness your emotions. Pay attention to your actions. Dig around to find what it is you believe. If you choose to no longer believe that then don't. Flip the script and find out what it is you truly want and believe in that! This may take some time and effort but once you believe you are worth it and you're thinking and speaking in positive manner, you will feel a sense of desire and confidence thatmakes taking action a much easy task. No willpower needed. 

I am a surfer! Not really, but yes I am!

This summer was the summer I was going to learn to surf. And while I have been out in the ocean on a surfboard a handful of times, I definitely did not consider myself a surfer. To me a surfer is someone that makes some minor tweaks to their board, tucks it under their arm, seamlessly wrapping their leash around their ankle and then Baywatch runs out into the ocean, diving over and under the waves until they paddle themselves into the depths where only surfers can go. 

I on the other hand, usually talk myself out of the idea of even attempting to surf right when I get there. Because the waves are too little and I will look silly or the waves are too big and I will die. I instead try to convince my surfing buddy that I should just relax on the beach for a bit until the waves are just right. Okay Goldilocks, sheesh. I let the "real" surfers totally intimidate me, especially bad ass lady surfers. Once I finally get talked back into doing what I came to do, I have to fiddle with my outfit and my hair as the waves can really move those things around. Hello boobies and butt cheeks! I have to double check with my buddy that I have the leash on the correct foot, I awkwardly tuck the board under my arm and then finally make it to the water. Now this is where the "fun" begins. 

My first few surf sessions were on days when the waves were fairly small and I felt like a kid again. Just paddling around and catching waves, yet staying on my stomach for the ride. I have gotten up to my feet a few times but have yet to actually ride standing up. This last time I went with a new, very experienced surfing buddy who was trying to catch some of the post hurricane swell. Am I using term correctly? If not, the day was rather swell :) Needless to say, the waves were much bigger and I was on a tinier board than I had used previously. After a few moments of paddling out, I realized that I was in over my head, literally. I glanced over to my buddy who asked if I knew how to duck dive and with a "sure I got this" nod, he was gone, into the depths.  

After what seemed like 20 minutes (but I'm sure was more like 5), I was exhausted and in the same spot that I started. I started to feel defeated and not ready for my journey ahead. I heard my internal dialogue start to say things like: this is too much; you are going to get hurt; just go back and watch the real surfers from the shore; you look ridiculous; and oh shit, I don't actually know how to duck dive. And then the coolest thing happened, I heard these thoughts! I heard my old scared-of-everything self saying these rather awful things and I shut her down. I decided to paddle over away from the real deal surfers and just simply practice being on a surfboard in these bigger waves. I finally figured out how to duck dive enough to get through and make it out past where the waves were breaking. During this redirection I changed my language to stuff like: everyone has to start somewhere; look at you go; and just keep going! I started talking to myself the way I would talk to my clients and to my friends.

While I did not attempt to catch many waves, it was my best session yet. Logically, I completely understand that learning something new is challenging and scary and can even end up leaving us hurt, but in the moment I let fear rule my thoughts and in turn, my actions and I almost gave up. My fear filled speech was too loud. So by taking a step back and moving into my own little surfing space, I turned that shit talking down and eventually turned it off.  I began using the bad ass surfing señoritas to inspire me and actually started to have some real fun. Coming out of the ocean I decided to officially call myself a surfer.

You don't have to be a master painter to call yourself a painter, just like you don't have to know how to do the splits to call yourself a yogi, but what you call yourself is crucial. What we believe about ourselves is reinforced by our thoughts and our words. Those thoughts and words will not only ingrain your beliefs, good or bad, but they will create emotions that intensify those beliefs. These emotions then lead us to take actions. Actions such as ending my surfing session at minute five or actions that led to me walking out of the ocean, board less awkward than before, calling myself a surfer. 

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If you want to know how I started this process of changing my self talk, I have a FREE guide down below. 

3 Steps to Change Your Limiting Self Talk

Use Your Self Talk Wisely

The only question you need for change.

When life goes sour there are many questions that I start to rattle off in my head. Why did I go to that mental space again? How did I let this get out of hand again? When will this all make sense? Who the hell do I think I am? What the hell even happened?? These questions might start the reflection process but they don't work towards solving the root of the problem. 

I often discuss the issue of neglecting to work on the root of the problem. Most of us tend to focus on the symptoms of the problem, placing a temporary fix, like placing a bandaid over the nail that is stuck in our foot. In order to really relieve the pain, you have to remove the nail and allow for the healing to begin. Of course, pulling the rusting nail out will hurt like the dickens but once its out you can nurture your foot back to health. Using this bandaid method only sustains the pain. Numbing with pain relievers and continuing to cover it up, results in a nagging ache that won't ever go away. Sometimes this neglect will result in a very serious situation, forcing you to remove the nail but now there is all sorts of added pain such as infection, increasing the amount of time and level of expertise needed to heal this wound.  I now personally choose to go through the pain, knowing that it will be temporary, so that I can have health and happiness for the rest of my life. 

When I am reflecting back on a situation that has not gone in the way in which I hoped, the first question I ask myself is "What could I have done differently?". You know the definition of insanity right? Doing the same thing over and over, yet wondering why you keep getting the same results. By asking yourself this simple question you start to uncover the point at which you are straying from your path and with enough investigation you will start to uncover the reason you are straying in the first place, which is the root of the problem. 

For example, last week I continued to spend money on eating out, despite the fact that I had also spent a good bit of money on groceries. So instead of just beating myself up, I started to ask myself what I could have done differently so that this wasn't a reoccurring problem. Through this I concluded that I needed to have quick and easy meals that I can make from pantry staples, so that my excuse of being too tired to cook would no longer be an excuse. I also brought into focus that I hate having to do dishes before I even start cooking, so ensuring that I tidy my kitchen as I go will take this excuse off the table as well. By taking the time to come up with easy meals made from foods I always have and tidying my kitchen on the regular I have begun the process of removing the nail. 

Another, bigger example is why I quit drinking. I was tired of the physical and moral hangovers, I was tired of the pull it had from my health and wellness, and I was tired of the way it affected my relationships. Before I started to look at it this way, I simply managed the symptoms of this problem. I would only drink so much or on certain occasions and would make sure that I was safe when I did drink. I would try to drink different types of alcohol and did my best to hydrate and make sure to eat while consuming the booze. None of these changes actually changed anything because they were not the root of the problem. Because I neglected actually removing it for so long there was definitely a lot of infection that surrounded this problem but when I did finally remove the nail I allowed myself to start the healing process. I am still going through this healing phase and my wound is still sensitive but I know that I am on the right path as I have tackled the root of that problem. I can see how much I have already healed and I know that a full recovery is in sight. 

Create Your Own Joy

If you follow me on Instagram you will regularly see me jamming out to music in my car or dancing in the kitchen while I cook. I've always been a music junkie and have always played it non stop in the background of my life, but it wasn't until I started my process of letting go of alcohol that I realized how important this joy filled habit was for me (thank you Holly Whitaker for that). 

It is completely natural to feel like you're missing something when you start to let go of bad habits, as this process takes us out of our comfort zone and into a place that doesn't feel so happy and joyous. The practice of creating your own joy is kinda like faking it til you make it. In the beginning phases of letting go (this even includes letting go of relationships) you will more than likely feel crappy and sad and possibly even in the mists of one long pity party, but you can balance some of that out by adding in your own hand-made joy throughout your day. Though these acts are small, when combined they can really add up. Some of my favorites are:

• Music - Driving, dancing, singing, exercising, crying (haha), bubble bathing, all while listening to music that makes me feel good. As a part of being a yoga teacher I am always searching for songs that make me want to dance along so I have loads of playlists on my Spotify. Check out my #allthesongs playlist. 
• The Great Outdoors - Just going for a walk, listening to nature, or perhaps getting close to water are sure-fire ways for me to feel lighter and less stressed out. 
• Good Humor - No, not the ice cream. Ice cream makes me happy in the moment but it's not a good choice for anytime of the day (you know, when stress randomly hits). Instead, listening to a radio talk show, podcast, or stand-up comedian that makes me laugh are great ways to bring in some joy. Books, TV Shows, movies, social media and even your friends and family can be sources of laughter throughout your day. I also love to try and make other people laugh. I am a huge fan of the pun and the corny dad joke, regularly busting them out for those around me, including strangers. Nothing makes you feel better than being the source of someone else's laughter. 
• Movement - Moving your body allows you to let go of stagnant gross energy that makes us feel heavy and uncomfortable. I love popping into handstands in these moments if I can make it happen, but a walk, a workout or a few gentle stretches will do the same :)
• Make Something - Food, crafts, doodles, poems, artwork, flowers/plants, clothes, DIY bath products, pillows, blog posts, photo books, the list is endless of things you can create easily. When you sit down and create something it feels good. If it is something you can share with others (for the joy of it, not just for money) then the joy is even greater. 

You cannot expect life to just be naturally joyous. It is a decision that you have to make each day, maybe even each moment on some days. The stressful stuff just comes at us, so we need to create our own joy on the regular to combat the junk that come on the regular. Even if you haven't quite let go of your habit, creating joy right along side the shit will help the process of letting go that much easier, as you will feel better as you ween yourself. Start today and then repeat daily. Its what we do daily that matters most. #createyourjoy