Journaling Prompts

Here is a list of some basic journaling prompts that you can use to begin unfolding any thoughts that get stuck up in that noggin of yours.

1. Find something to write in.

2. Pick whichever one jumps out at you and give it a whirl.

3. Do not censor your writing. Just let it flow out.

4. Shoot for a time limit and just keep writing until the time is up. 3-5 minutes is a good place to start. Doodle for the rest of the time if you have to :)

• If I weren't afraid I would...

• What's blocking me from...?

• What do I want most?

• Whats hard? How can I invite in more love?

• What do I desire from the next (time period; two weeks, 6 months)?

• In what areas are you unsatisfied?

• In what areas are you satisfied?

• What would my best self do today?

• How does my energy feel? What might help?

• How does my body feel? What might help?

• Do you need more structure/action/masculine?

• Do you need more flow/creativity/feminine?

• What needs to be healed?

• How can I show my body more love?

• Why do I want change?

Remember that journaling is a tool, one of many that should be in your all natural stress relief toolbox. It's okay if emotions arise during this process, as its just energy that needs to be let out. Often I feel completely relieved and often with more understanding of how to move forward. Journaling is a simple act of self care that can help you to navigate the tricky waters of your mind. Relax and just let it flow. 

Fighting Depression by Finding High Vibes

What do I mean by high vibes? That’s a good question. I like to simplify it by equating it to a natural high. When I am vibrating at a high level I am feeling naturally high and feeling good. I'm not going to dive into the science of the actual vibrations that occur in our bodies here, but when you are feeling good you are considered to be vibrating at a higher level than when you're not feeling so good (angry, scared, anxious, depressed, tired, sick, etc.). This is why one grumpy person can ruin the mood of a group, the lower vibes are messin' with the high vibe energy in the room. 

I have been on a serious learning path with depression for years. Never being officially diagnosed I had no clue what depression even was. Now, I am still learning but I at least have a basic understanding of it, I have a love for the process (even though I forget this love every time I'm in it), and I know that there will be many more chances to learn from this thing called depression.

While it is my goal to feel good as much as I possibly can, it's near impossible to ALWAYS feel good and I logically know this, but life doesn't pause simply because I am feeling down. When I get a little funky (low-vibey), I tend to forget that it is simply part of the process. I used to try and dig in, try to figure out what caused this "slide", feeling that if I could find the source I could somehow remove it and therefore remove the depression but I have since learned that there is no one source. I can be triggered by other low-vibe people or conversations, by low quality foods, and by low-vibe media, and by a general lack of self-care. So instead of trying to bring even more focus to this feeling that I no longer want, I have instead chosen to take it easy and sink into some self-love. 

As soon as I notice my low vibes I try to muster up some joy or simply find a way to play. Doing anything, big or small, that raises my vibes will help me to start making my way back. The more I practice this, the faster I am able to recognize the funky feelings, create new vibes, and return to love. This work has allowed me to move through depression in a way that I have never moved before. Below is my current framework for climbing out of a funk but know there is also work with professionals (spiritual, holistic, & health) being done too. 

Clues my vibes are lowering:

• Space is beginning to get cluttered (or is already a hot mess).

• Clothes and dishes are piling up. 

• Fridge is lacking healthy foods.

• Feeling exhausted, shitty sleep.

• Binges (sleep, Netflix, sugar, etc)

• Annoyed by others easily. 

• Negative Hamster Wheel - where my thoughts get stuck on the negative.

Instant high vibe activities:

• Meditation is the best activity there is to change your vibrations. Most of the time this actually neutralizes my thoughts, feelings, and vibrations allowing some peace. 

• Put on my orange Rainbow OPTX Sunglasses - color therapy :)

• Create Your Own Joy playlist + Dancing

• Make and eat a healthy meal.

• Play!! Swings, skateboards, cards, games, Coco, handstands. Just play!!

• Plan my next few days/work week/bullet journal.

• Clean my house.

• Take a walk.

• Get in water.

• Plants/feet in the dirt/sit in the sun.

• Yin Yoga

Activities to help maintain these vibes:

• Yoga/Exercise

• Meal prepping

• Bullet Journaling weekly/monthly intentions/goals/tasks.

• Nurturing Coco

• Regularly getting out into nature.

• Self Care/Sleep/Water

• Regular play dates with friends.

• Bring focus to the lower three chakras. 

• Be creative, somehow.

• Self Love - Remembering that I am perfect and I am love. 

Remember, that this is my personal experience. I am at this point after almost two years of diligently working to understand these emotions. I have done some work to get here and had lots of help along the way. If you take anything from this, I hope you know that you are not alone and that many have successfully found peace and joy right along side depression. Again, I will use the reminder of the moon to help explain how absolutely normal this is... 

"The moon is a reminder that no matter what phase I am in, I am still whole." - unknown source

Using my cycles wisely.

I am a big fan of turning to Mother Nature when I need some clarity and guidance. She is not my only source for these needs but she is one of my first stops. I can watch and witness how her seasons change, how plants and trees grow, how the ocean ebbs and flows, it is all visible proof of change and growth, of death and rebirth. By going outside on my break and reading in the sun for 15 minutes or playing hooky and heading to the beach, I not only enjoy the peace and grounding that nature provides but inevitably, if I look hard enough, I fall into a moment of understanding. 

In a recent discussion on the On Being podcast, Michael McCarthy a naturalist and writer explained that for 50,000 generations we lived amongst nature, we were just a part of the wild life, and for the last 500 generations we've moved away from living in and among nature to very far from it. He claims though that despite our movement away from moving in sync with Mother Nature it is still very much apart of our biology.  "There is a legacy deep within us, a legacy of instinct, a legacy of inherited feelings, which may lie very deep in the tissues — it may lie underneath all the parts of civilization which we are so familiar with on a daily basis, but it has not gone; that we might have left the natural world, most of us, but the natural world has not left us."

It is for this reason that I have started to witness the many many cycles that show up in nature and I have begun exploring my own cycles. Yes, that cycle but also, my cycles of energy and concentration, cycles of depression or anxiety, and cycles of growth and challenge. I have invited in the concept of paying attention to cycles in the following ways:

• Started tracking my menstrual cycle and symptoms. I use an app to keep an eye on whats happening. After recognizing certain trends I have begun making conscious decisions based on those cycles. Day One - Wicked bad cramps. Day Three - Crying for no good reason. Day Four - Eat ice cream. I would do find time for a heating pad session on day one. I would do my best not to schedule any important meetings on day three. I would buy ice cream on day four :) Knowing my tendencies helps me to prepare and get in harmony with them instead of fighting against them. 
• New Moon & Full Moon Journaling. This was the first way that I really found a regular journaling practice, mainly because it was only twice a month. I have a moon app where I track new and full moons each month. Every new moon I journal about what I want to invite into my life (more patience, more presence, more movement, love) and every full moon I journal about what I want to let go of (judgements, fears, sugar, complaining). I love this practice because the moon reminds me to do it! 
• Scheduling weekly tasks based on moon cycles. This is newer for me but so far I really love it. I found this article explaining what types of actions and energy are best according to the phase of the moon. I understand that this might be a little out there for some, but it provides me additional focus for each week. For example, right before the new moon each month, is a great time to tie up loose ends and clear the desks (and your mind) for the new cycle. Its a time to meditate on new ideas and get clear on what's ahead. Then, when the new moon arrives, it's time to set new goals and start to bring your ideas into fruition! Keep your eyes open for more one this as I sink in :)
• When I find myself in a depression I think of the moon. I remember reading once that one side of the moon is always dark. I love this because it reminds me that it's COMPLETELY NATURAL to feel dark or down, to feel as if you've lost momentum, to feel a little lost. Knowing that the moon ALWAYS cycles around to find it's light side helps me sink into this darkness and see what I can learn from it. I can take a step back and just be a friend to my darkness and move with it instead of feeling like I'm flawed and fighting against it. 

But without the dark we'd never see the stars.

If this feels like something you can relate to and want some more on working and living in sync with your life cycles, check out this interview: How to Tune into Your Own Cycles and Create Sustainable Success between Kate Northrup & Laura Thompson-Brady. 

Stuck in my multitasking mind.

For so long I was rather proud of my stellar multitasking skills. It was one of the reasons I enjoyed working as a server in a restaurant. I loved trying to be as efficient as possible and to this day I still find myself trying to carry as many things as I can to and from the kitchen. While these skills come in handy while hosting Thanksgiving, my multitasking mind is driving me crazy, and even worse making me frazzled and spacey. Yes, I know... I have always been frazzled and spacey but either it's getting worse or I'm just noticing it more and I need to get a handle (a lack of focus is also a common side effect of depression). Yes, it's great to be efficient but there is a time in which simply doing one task at a time, with thought and focus, brings better results and is oh-so welcomed. 

I notice how frequently my mind jumps from one thing to the next while driving or in yoga. I see myself forgetting things because I decided to switch my focus right before I leave my house. I see myself running late because I was trying to squeeze in one more thing. Even when I walk Coconut, I see how quickly my mind flits from one thing to the next. It directly correlates to the level of anxiety that I experience moment to moment. When my mind is going nutty, thinking of all the things, I tend to have higher anxiety. When I calmly move through one task before moving onto the next, I have little to no anxiety. 

There are three things that I am currently focusing on to bring about more mindfulness (opposite of multitasking) while moving through my day.

Witness and write.

The first is that I am witnessing and writing about it. You cannot change something if you don't understand it, so watch and then get curious. Then get those thoughts out of your head. Writing is the best way for me and has scientific evidence to show that it helps you let go of frustrations and gain clarity. This is a safe place to vent. It is also a great way to track your life. Like writing a textbook for how you create change. Really quite amazing when you look back to old fears and realize that it was just part of the plan. 

If you can't find a rhythm for regularly writing out your thoughts, you can talk them out if you wish. My favorite places for this are the car and the shower. I simply ask myself questions about why I feel the way I feel. Why that thing bothers me so much? What would happen if I tried another way? What are some other ways that this might work better? What ever you do, let the words fly out of your brain. Once they are out you can start to use them to create the plan. Its like your words are the building blocks for change. 

**Always remember that if you dive into stuff thats too deep, it's okay. Take some deep breaths and remind yourself that those kinds of feelings are a part of being human. Maybe find a friend or a loved one that would listen well. Even better, ask a professional for help. You don't just get over stuff, you have to go through it. It can be scary but it also can be very freeing.

Of course, meditation.

The second thing I'm doing is upping my meditation game. I have been meditating off and on for years, but I realized that even my meditation had a sense of "okay let me do this so I can check it off my list". Over the past few months I have started to create more time for meditation, I have found guided meditations I like for certain times of the day or concerns.  I have made playlists and have been treating it with much more respect. I now see my mediation as the time I get to reconnect, to myself and to something bigger, the energy of the earth. I know this sounds like I should be hugging a tree, but it's true. Everything on earth is made of energy, everything. And by being still and breathing I am able to notice my energy (how my body feels, how my mind feels, what emotions are coming up) and I'm able to feel the bigger energy (the support of the earth, the things I notice with all five of my senses, and the peace that shows up every once in a while when I really get in there). 

I've even take meditation off the pillow and into regular activities too. Most nights I use this yoga nidra sleep mediation that I love. I tap into other senses when I'm walking, washing dishes or showering. I stop and sit on a bench for a moment or go outside and sit quietly in the sun for a few minutes. This all started as a gratitude practice that I did once daily, but has become the practice of being grateful in as many moments as possible throughout my day. Stop and smell the freakin' roses. 

Get curious.

The last thing I'm doing to find more moments of clarity, is I'm learning more about mindfulness. Reading books, listening to podcasts, going to yoga, indulging in professional guidance on the subject. These are not done daily but they are included in my month so that I can continue to learn new tools to help me calm my monkey mind. No one wants a worked up monkey.

This is a slow climb kinda habit change. A slow burn process, but one that brings so much value to not just changing your habits, but changing your life. Even more, the more work you put in, the faster the changes start to happen. Witness and then get curious. Let the words free somehow, someway. Meditate. Meditate some more. Then meditate while you swim in the ocean or simply wash your hair. Learn more about what your multitasking mind is actually seeking and how to invite in more focus and peace. Focus and peace, that's all I'm asking for. No biggie. 

You don't need a therapist to heal.

Let me expand on that. You don't need a therapist to heal or change, but they sure do help. And in some cases therapy will absolutely be recommended and necessary. What I am meaning to say here is, there are actions you can take to start uncovering the source of certain struggles, discomfort or pain without this assistance. Once uncovered you can begin the work of letting it go. Yes. This is scary but it is worth every uncomfortable moment and every bit of sweat and tears. I have found ways that help me through this process and I'd like to share what I have found when it comes to self exploration.

Now, you may be asking how this is fitness related and why is a personal trainer and yoga instructor giving advice about therapy and self exploration? Because most of the reasons why we fail at stick to health and wellness goals, to change habits, or to find ways out of situations we don't enjoy, is because we aren't asking ourselves enough questions. Why is it that when shit gets scary we go back to what feels cozy and comfortable, to what is easy? It was when easy no longer worked for me, that I started asking myself real questions. 

Before I dive in, make sure you know that this process is 100% normal. It is required work for every human that wishes to finally start living life the way they were intended, feeling happy and inspired simply by living out their life. Happiness is the reward of self exploration. This process isn't light or easy so start here with a serious self love practice and then build into asking questions. Self love is the pace car of self exploration.

Don't jump in head first. Pick one question and focus on it for a few weeks. More than likely it will uncover some shit and you will have to regroup with self love.  Attempt this in tiny digestible pieces and take breaks when you need.

Last but not least, if you come across uncomfortable things don't panic, take some deep breaths and return to love. You are doing this work to set yourself free, but you have to take the steps through the uncomfortable and downright slippery terrain. If you hit something that you cannot get through on your own, find a therapist that you feel comfortable with and be open to exploring with a professional. You wouldn't wander in to the jungle without a guide would you? My mind can feel like a jungle sometimes so I consult a therapist when I hit something that feels bigger than simply journaling or best-friend-talk. 

Some questions to start the process:

• How does my physical body feel? 
• How happy am I?
• How well can I focus on something?
• Why am I doing this? What is the motive?
• What's my purpose?
• Is my food giving me energy?
• Am I able to handle my stress?
• In what ways do I handle my stress?
• Am I socializing?
• How does my social circle make me feel? Inspired? Drained?
• How does social media make me feel?
• What is draining my energy?
• What gives me energy?
• What could I do all day?
• What fills me with joy? 
• How do I feel about my body? 
• How can I add more love to my life and relationships?
• What can I do differently?
• Am I adding value to my relationships?

For me, I like to pick a question and then either meditate for a moment or go for a walk with this question on my mind in a gentle, I'm gonna take my time kinda way. Not in a fearful or stressful kinda way. I remind myself that this is a process and one that has yet to let me down.

A lot of times I will get new questions from books or podcasts, sometimes from conversations with friends and mentors, however, the question that I usually jump to is "Am I acting from a place of love or a place of fear?" Oh, man... when I first noticed how much I let fear run my life it was a scary moment, like a panic attack turned depression moment that lasted days. I felt like I had wasted so much time and squandered so many relationships because of fear. But I returned to love with some bubble baths and some reminders about why I was doing the work. Understanding that this work was coming from a place of love I was able to endure the discomfort. 

Start thinking and journaling about your question. Then take breaks from thinking about it and do other things that help you think clear, like exercising outside, art, dancing or watching something inspiring. Don't force it but don't avoid it. Find a happy place in between that allows you to uncover a little scary bit at a time. Again, if a giant can of worms is uncovered, take some deep breaths and consult a family member, trusting friend or therapist. This does not make you weak as this will actually allow yourself to let go of the source of your weakness, making you so much stronger!!

There must be a curiosity about why things aren't working. Troubles do not simply disappear. When they seem as if they have, there is a good chance they are just waiting under the surface, subconsciously affecting decisions and relationships . Sometimes you find things you never knew were there and it all starts to make sense. You gain an understanding for why you avoid group exercise, for why you eat too much at each meal, for why you place everyone's needs in front of yours. Understanding this why brings you to a place where change can happen. Start with some gentle loving questions and you will start to find the answers. These answers will allow those old habits to fall away and you will build new loving ones in their place and this will become you're new normal. 

Create Your Own Joy Resource List

A few years ago, if you asked me to create more joy in my life I would have immediately correlated this to going to more concerts and traveling more. While I did have a wonderful life and there were plenty of joy filled moments, this concept that I now shout from the rooftops of creating your own joy daily, may have seemed silly or even impossible. But like most things once you experience the benefits, when you see the results, it all starts to make sense. So now I shout this to anyone that will listen.

Science has shown that when you laugh you release endorphins which reduce your perception of pain and trigger positive, feel-good feelings. The simple act of making yourself laugh will make you feel better. While laughter is always the best medicine, creating joy is a very personal experience and can vary from day to day and from moment to moment. I have complied a list of ways that I create some joy and some resources and ideas to help you make this a regular part of your day. 

I do have one caveat... If you aren't doing well on your foundational habits of getting sleep, drinking plenty of water and adding some movement into your day, no amount of listening to your favorite song will cancel out extreme fatigue, so be sure to spend some time laying a solid foundation while you create your joy. 

How to use this list:

This list is a starting place. Ultimately, find some way to regularly add some joy to your day, despite your mood. Once this becomes a regular habit, it will not only help you stay grateful and happy it can help you become a more productive human. Hell yeah!! 

Also, if there is another area of your health and wellness that you are struggling with, such as sleep or exercise, how can you add more joy to the process? When these activities feel neglected or like a punishment, they will be harder to stick to. Add some joy and you won't have to push yourself so hard to make it happen, you will begin to be pulled towards them. Add some essential oils and a relaxing playlist to your bedtime routine or reward yourself when you have a week filled 7 hours nightly. Invite a friend to yoga and grab a bite after, add some awesomely uplifting music to your workout or again reward yourself for a killer week of exercise. 

Music: This is my go to joy creator. 

• Listen to your favorite song/album as you get ready for work or go for your morning walk. Thank you Spotify for all that you do for me :)

• Here is my Create Your Own Joy playlist on Spotify.

• Go catch an open mic night or your favorite local band. Wills Pub in Orlando is one of my favorite spots to find a wide variety of live music.

• Sing along with your music or create your own music!!

• Learn to play an instrument or find some peeps to jam with.

Media: Be careful, this can build you up or wear you down. 

• Follow fun and positive accounts on Social Media. Slowly let go of the ones that are Debbie-downers and that are full of people complaining. See ya later haters!!

• Watch a funny movie, show or stand up - Comedians in Cars Getting Coffee is a recent fave.

• Subscribe to a funny or inspiring YouTube Channels.

• Listen to a podcast: **There are hundreds of podcasts.

Movement: Also releases endorphins.

• Dance in your kitchen while you cook dinner :) #danceforyourdinner

• Go dancing with your friends.

• Walk your dog.

• Do a mini workout. Here is an oldy but a goodie of mine ----> CORE-dio

• Take a dance class with a friend.

• Try a new form of exercise.

• Go for a hike or to the beach.

• Do some cartwheels or handstands or simply stretch.

• Play catch or kick a soccer ball around.

Make Something: Being creative can help with feelings of depression. 

• Gratitude list.

• Cook a meal or learn to cook a new one.

• Get crafty, just for fun. Extra points if you get your hands dirty.

• Plant some plants. Again with the dirty hands.

• Start a blog.

• Take an art class.

• Make hand made gifts.

• Make someone smile by smiling at them or telling a joke.

• Make someone happy by helping them and being patient.

More: 

• Books!!

• Spend time with friends and family.

• Get out of your comfort zone - try something new, get a tattoo (spend some time thinking about this one), plan a trip to somewhere new, go somewhere you've never been, set a 30 day challenge for yourself.

• Spend time outdoors.

Create a life you don't want to avoid or run from. Add more joy and see what happens. A little goes a long way. 

 

I MINT to eat more GREENS

Ever since I became a personal trainer, I have considered myself a healthy eater. Even in times of falling of the healthy eating wagon, I've always been able to come back to eating a diet filled with fresh fruits and veggies, lean proteins and lots of water. At the beginning of this year I started limiting sugar, dairy and gluten, witnessing how less of that in my diet made me feel. FYI, it made me feel great. 

Recently I began taking a closer look at the amount of green things in my diet. I heard a man named David Wolfe explain the value of green veggies in a way that I'd never heard before. He explained that on a molecular level green things have more electrons in them, resulting in more energy as these electrons produce actual electricity. This explains why they make you feel so good. This also explains why Popeye was able to provide a a knockout punch to Bluto after consuming a can of spinach. "Oooh, wheres me spinach?" 

He also finally explained alkalinity in a way that made sense to me. Our bodies perform best in a slightly alkaline state, as opposed to an acidic state. When you eat the typical Standard American Diet, (which I love that it's referred to as SAD) filled with sugar, gluten, processed foods, coffee, dairy, meat, soda, artificial sweeteners, and so on, you are filling your body with foods that make your body acidic. A diet of this nature results in a constant lethargy, even after a full nights sleep (how I feel always), and can make fighting naughty cravings really tough. 

It was after this that I began looking at each meal and analyzing the amount of greens that I was regularly eating. I was getting them in at dinner, and most of the time at lunch, but I was not getting nearly enough to cancel out the coffee, meat, limited gluten and processed foods, and my ice cream every weekend that I was consuming regularly.  So I began to challenge myself to eat more! 

I MINT TO EAT MORE GREENS: 4 easy ways to add more greens!!

1. Add something green to every meal: 
   • Breakfast - Smoothies, Juices, Veggie Scramble (Eggs/Tofu), Spinach on a Breakfast sandwich. 
   • Lunch - Salads, Veggie Rice Bowls, Lettuce (Collard Green) Wraps, Side Salads or Broccoli instead of other sides. 
   • Dinner - Roasted Veggies (Asparagus, Brussels, Broccoli), Zucchini Noodles aka Zoodles, Adding spinach or frozen peas to any dish . 
2. Move green produce to the top shelf of your fridge. - Out of sight out of mind. 
3. Sub raw veggies for chips and crackers. - Cucumbers, Celery, Bell Peppers.
4. Make a big batch of green veggies for your week. - This is the one Im digging right now. 

Get creative, try new recipes (25 Simple Green Side Dishes), notice how they make you feel. I have found that the greens have slowly overtaken some of the other junk that tended to sneak into my diet and I have also witnessed a small, but noticeable, energy difference in the mornings. For this reason, I am sold. It's so easy being green :) 

How to keep cool while being poked by idiots.

We've all been there and totally lost our shit in public. If you're like me it may have been because of something really silly and unnecessary. Or maybe it's because you feel like you're surrounded by idiots or clueless/selfish people. Or maybe it's because you know that a certain situation could be done with much more organization or efficiency (this was a big one for me). So frustrating watching knuckleheads!!

Because the very meaning of public means you're probably surrounded by people or somewhere in which stomping to your room and avoiding everyone isn't possible, below are some things to help you keep your cool when being poked by idiots.

First, let's discuss meditation. While it would be a great tool to use in the moment, as it allows you to turn off some of the loud yelling thoughts and anchor your thoughts, the big calming benefits of meditation actually come from practicing on the regular. When you practice for a few moments each day you are strengthening your keep cool muscles. So a regular meditation practice will allow for these annoyances to slowly fade as they simply won't fire you up in the same way. 

In the moment...

Now, let's say that you have been practicing your meditation and yet you still lose your cool while in traffic, when an old man curses at you through your window for a very silly reason. This actually happened to me not too long ago and I for sure lost my shit. I yelled a lot, he yelled a lot. We made a scene. Don't worry, I killed him with kindness, asking him "what would you advise the women in your family to do if they ever encountered a gentlemen such as yourself?" Maybe I killed him with smart-ass-ness. 

I laugh at this now but by me responding to his rudeness and idiocy I made things worse and added hate and ugliness to the situation. And while I don't like to live in fear, road rage is a real thing and I had no way of knowing what my comments were going to unveil. So instead I could have done the following:

• Roll up my window and ignore the ignorant behavior. By ignoring and walking away you allow yourself a breath before you get too fired up. If you can't walk away you can at least excuse yourself and go into the hall or a bathroom stall to gather yourself for a few breaths.
• After rolling up my window I could have done a meditation in which you simply focus on the sensations in your hands. I like this meditation while in a pickle because for me it is easier to notice the sensations in my hands than my breath when I am fired up. Continue to come back to the sensations you feel in your hands only. You can keep your eyes open and do this anywhere, for as long as you can or need. 
• While waiting for the light to change (which seemed like it took forever), I could have repeated a mantra to cool me off. Something like: "Be kind. Everyone is fighting their own battles," or "Being kind is better than being right." If there seems to be something at the moment that really gets you riled, come up with a mantra (quote or saying) just for that particular encounter or experience. 
• Instead of jumping on the phone and telling anyone that would listen how rude this man was and how drama filled my morning was, I could have rattled off my gratitude list to bring my thoughts to things that make me feel good, instead of focusing on and replaying the crap. 
• Lastly, (and this is the one I finally ended up doing after all the other dramatics didn't help me feel better) the phrase "I wish you happiness and the root of all happiness" was repeated while thinking of this extra angry man that called me all sorts of disgusting names. This was not easy, never is. But it did get easier the more I said it. It also made me realize that the poor man probably lives an angry life and that a little more love sent his way was probably not a bad thing.

When we lose our cool and let our emotions explode in anger or frustration or tears, we hinder our ability to resolve any issues. No listening is being done. No progress is being made. Finding a go-to way to calm yourself down in a matter of moments is crucial. Essential oils, music, movement, a loving friend, a moment in the loo to yourself, anything that allows you to step away from the agitation and calm down a bit, will allow the cool, calm and collected version of yourself to show up, the version of yourself that can work through agitation and apply the lessons to personal growth. 

From a Hot Mess to a Beautiful one.

Hot mess was a term that was used in reference to my life more than once and more than once by myself, about myself. For years I felt that there would always be at least one area in my life that would be a mess or at least look like a mess from the outside (which equals stress in my world). And even if I managed to get all my ducks in a row for a moment, they quickly began to waddle off and make some sort of mess, a big ducking mess. 

While things are often still not where I'd like for them to be, the mess is no longer unmanageable, its expected. I can spot the messiness creeping in and do something to change that, things move slower and are more predictable, like now I have turtles in a row. I now know that by acknowledging the mess and the uncomfortable that I am slowly cleaning it up and that maybe one day it won't be a challenge to keep in order, it will be part of my routine, a healthy habit. 

My old habit of ignoring the mess, running from it, blaming someone or something for it, shoving it in the closet, under the bed, hiring someone to deal with it or stressing over what people will think about my messiness, is slowly being let go. By taking a good look at my mess and working to declutter and reorganize my daily life, I now see all of my mess as a beautiful work in progress. I now see this messiness as an opportunity for growth and change, which to me makes my mess beautiful. 

If you could hear my thoughts.

I have spoken about how much my life has changed this year. I have let go of lots of things that no longer serve me and started inviting in love from every person, place or thing that is willing to send it my way. Most recently I am in the process of letting go of my tendency to focus on what's "wrong". This stems from a drive for perfection, a drive for perfection that I didn't even know was a thing until three weeks ago. But over these past three weeks I have seen this perfectionism road-block pop up EVERYWHERE!! 

When I first learned that there was an underlying strive for perfection in my actions, I resisted the idea. I am the person that aims to simply get things done, usually at the last minute and usually with regrets on waiting til the last minute. It was in this resistance that I remembered my yoga teacher telling me that perfectionism can actually cause paralysis. It can cause resistance, often showing as procrastination. Why get started or even try if it's not going to compare to the others? If it can't live up to my silly (self-imposed) expectations? This perfection paralysis was something I totally recognized, again EVERYWHERE!!!!!

This hidden drive for things to be perfect often caused me to focus on the things that were wrong in a situation. For three days after this revelation, I began to see it. I was focusing on what was wrong, what could go wrong, what I had done wrong in the past and where there was potential for more things to go wrong. On that third day I had a complete emotional breakdown. I had been witnessing these thoughts and doing my best to flip my inner self-talk-script but after 72 hours of this I was exhausted. I was tired of noticing the flaws, I was tired of that feeling of overwhelm and anxiety it brought me when it was in focus. Very similarly to the feeling I had when I decided to quit drinking, I decide to let go of this way of thinking. 

This is not an easy task. I am still constantly reverting my thoughts to the love that exists in the present moment. I am telling myself "Jennifer, return to love", over and over and over again. I am repeating mantras of hope and trust, morning, noon and night. I am reading books, listening to podcasts, interacting on social media and listening to songs that support this healthy mindset. I am talking with those that are open to deep emotional conversations (when these unicorns appear) and I am writing my thoughts and using my voice to continue to reinforce the thoughts and feelings that I want to be my new normal.

Reprogramming our thoughts is a long battle but it can totally be done. I know this because at one point (and for many years) I thought there would never be a day in which I would choose to never drink again. Has this happened to you? This experience has allowed me to see that our thoughts are programmed by our past, our community, our leaders, our friends, and our experiences. And just as they have been programmed, they can be reprogrammed. First step will always be to check in with those thoughts as you cannot change what you do not notice.

I tell you all of this so that you understand that creating change takes effort, but if you start with your self talk and pump yourself up instead of adding to the mess that drags you down, this effort lessens and you are able to tackle the next thing standing in your way. Its like peeling an onion. You will shed one bad belief, thought or habit and move on to the next thing that is holding you back until you are the healthiest version of you. 

You are worth the effort and discomfort that this process will likely bring. The trade off has been well worth it for me. The time (days, months, maybe years) spent struggling to think healthy thoughts is way better than unknowingly living from a place of fear, constantly self sabotaging my greatness. I am awake to my nonsense and moving towards creating more freedom, and it feels so good. Come with me.